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Random Thoughts

It's been a long time since my last post. I wanted to post something regularly every month, but I haven't been able to keep it. It's not that I'm that busy, it's just that I don't know what to post. I was wondering recently, why did I started this blog? Why did it write what I write? What has been my intention? For other people to read, for myself to keep, for other reason? It's the same with posting in social media. Why have I been doing it? There's this thought that pop up in my mind sometimes to just close them down, but then I kept cancelling it at the end. Silly girl.

We sometimes don't know ourselves that well. Or probably we just don't wanna admit certain things that we already know about ourselves. We are in denial and that makes us lost ourselves. We get confused and we are afraid. Afraid of people's judgment, afraid of our own judgment. Afraid of making mistakes, afraid of being blamed.

I don't know why I keep thinking and posting about stuff like this. Am I too emo? It's probably because I have too much free time. Haha!


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Solo-Jogja Trip

I went to Solo for the first time few weeks ago. I went with a group of people who went there for hiking, but since I don't do hiking I just stayed in the city and joined them again when they finished the hike. We got there at 7 or 8pm, and spent the night together as we ate dinner while catching up with one of our friends who lives in Solo. The hiking group left at 3am in the morning, while I continued to sleep and my solo trip in Solo got started.

Crazy thoughts

Once upon a time when I was emo
Crazy thoughts full of lies entered my complicated mind

What a crowded place
Full of strangers with familiar faces

The sun is up there
So bright with the clear sky
It’s supposed to give some warmth
But why am I freezing here?
The cold goes inside my body
It hurts my bone

I’m confused
Such a strange feeling

Still in the process of thinking of the whys
Found out recently I've been filling myself with this kind of self-talk
It's killing me slowly with discouragement
Drawing me back to the dark place

Yet the fact that I know the lies is a grace
But don't let me stop there
Knowing the lies without knowing what's the truth is useless
That would make me even wonder if those lies are actually true
No, I shouldn't stop there