Thursday, August 3, 2017

Random Thoughts

It's been a long time since my last post. I wanted to post something regularly every month, but I haven't been able to keep it. It's not that I'm that busy, it's just that I don't know what to post. I was wondering recently, why did I started this blog? Why did it write what I write? What has been my intention? For other people to read, for myself to keep, for other reason? It's the same with posting in social media. Why have I been doing it? There's this thought that pop up in my mind sometimes to just close them down, but then I kept cancelling it at the end. Silly girl.

We sometimes don't know ourselves that well. Or probably we just don't wanna admit certain things that we already know about ourselves. We are in denial and that makes us lost ourselves. We get confused and we are afraid. Afraid of people's judgment, afraid of our own judgment. Afraid of making mistakes, afraid of being blamed.

I don't know why I keep thinking and posting about stuff like this. Am I too emo? It's probably because I have too much free time. Haha!

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Renovation Process

Did you ever go through a house renovation before? I went through that more than 5 years ago as we renovated our house. It was crazy messy. We didn't move to another house temporarily at that time, but we stayed in the house as it got renovated. Dust was everywhere. Our stuff got moved here and there, stacked packed in every corner. Our house only has one floor and it's not that big. When the guys were working on the other side of the house including our bedroom, we slept in the living room, moved out the bed and all the stuff there. Me, my sister, and my mom slept there together squishing uncomfortably everyday. Thankfully I was younger that I didn't have back pain and my sister was much much smaller than she is right now. I can't imagine if I have to do it now. I remember one day it was raining really hard and the roof was leaking as we were sleeping, and at the same time we were worried that it would flood. Horrible! Thankfully it's all done since few years ago and we can live more comfortably as we don't have to think about the flood anymore. It was the main reason why we got it renovated.

Look at Jakarta right now, especially in Sudirman road where they are building MRT. The traffic got really really really really awful since the process was started. The road gets smaller but the number of the car keeps increasing. I can't wait until that day come when MRT starts to work and gets used by people. As for now we all can only be patient and hoping that those who are working on it will make it right and fast.

That process of renovation and fixing something most of the time is messy and hard and uncomfortable, especially when you still have to live in it. You try to organize and manage and adapt so that somehow you still can live and do the activities that you usually do. Doing a renovation is an option. You have the choice to stay comfortable up to a certain point in the old way, and to not go through all the painful uncomfortable process, yet not getting better in any way. Or you can choose to go through that crazy messy dusty process with the hope that one day when it's finished you'll see something better, much much much better than all the pain that you have gone through.

And yeah, I think this life is somehow a renovation process also. Only if you choose that process.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

For a moment

For a moment I forgot that You are my creator
For a moment I forgot that You are the creator of the whole universe
I suddenly feel so scared
Who am I to go against You?

For a moment I forgot that people are sinners
For a moment I forgot that they do mistakes
I suddenly feel so relieved
Why did I demand so much from them?

                 You never be at fault of people's mistakes
                 You are blamed probably because it's harder to deal with them
                 I'm too tired, too bitter, too discouraged, too lonely

For a moment I forgot that You are the source of peace and rest
For a moment I forgot that it's about you, not about me, nor them
I suddenly feel so hopeful
Where else best would I go to if it's not you?

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

"Used to"

Some people think it's a history
Some people think it's a legacy
Some people think it's a memory
Some others think it's nothing

Some are proud of it
Some are embarrassed
Some regret it
Some others don't care

Depends on what they used to do
Also depends on what they do now

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

The hardest

"This is the hardest year that I've ever had." I've been saying this quite often through out this year. When I really think about it, looking back to the year before, and the year before, and the year before, and keep going backward, I probably said the same thing every year, which means that each year is hard (and might be the hardest up to that year--although not always), and that only means that year after year life never gets any easier.

Is it that bad? Why does it sound so miserable? You might ask. Don't get me wrong, of course there were things that get easier as time goes by. When I get along with people, when I feel comfortable with the environment, when I was able have fun traveling and meet new people, when I can do my work better, when the weight of my responsibility get lighter, when I passed my transition phase, when I can support my family better, when my sister is getting older and we can have a better conversation, and many many more. Yet I can't deny that there's always at least one thing that's hard in different area in life that could happen, whether it's financial situation, relationship with people, working life, health issue, life transition, family issue, dealing with yourself, or anything else.

I probably would say the same thing next year again--although I truly hope I won’t--but if that really happen later, it shouldn’t be a surprise.


Currently I'm watching a TV Drama called "Goblin". Here's one quote that was said by one of the characters:

"If it’s really true that god only gives you as much hardship as you can endure, I wonder if he hasn’t overestimated me."

I'm not saying that all of this character's perspective is true. But I think this is an honest expression of how sometimes everything just seems so heavy and you suffer so much that you feel like you can't handle it anymore.

And this is what P. Eric said in his sermon this past Sunday regarding to suffering:

What you need in the trenches of suffering is not more discipline, more positive thinking, or more amnesia.  What you need is a deeper understanding and focus on Jesus Christ—what he has done and what he will do.  You need the assurance that Christ will make all things right in the end because he himself has overcome the world.  You need the assurance that Christ will not allow your suffering to be endless or meaningless, but it will end and he will win.  You are not on a losing team.  Christ endured the cross before he entered into his glory. And though you may feel like you’re losing at life now, you must know that Christ will come back and raise you up in his glory.  In the end, he will make all things right.

Such an encouragement!


I hope in this upcoming year I can strive better with joy that come from above.

Friday, November 18, 2016

Tricky Humans

Humans are so tricky
We make plans and we fail them
We make promises and we break them

Talking is always easier than doing
Thinking is simpler than making it happen
Our imagination is bigger than our effort

Trying to love yet hurting at the end
Wanting things so badly yet forgetting the needs
Desiring to change yet avoiding the costly process

Instant gratification beats the good feeling after hard work 
Oh foolishness, why are you so sticky with humans' minds?

Comfort confuses us
Difficulty wavers us

Look into yourself, you'd find it messy
Look into the news, this world is messy
Look around, you'll find another messy creature covered up nicely

Is this negativity?
Or is this the reality?

Let's say it's negative reality
With the hope that there's positive reality
There is, of course
You just don't think about it much when you're in a slump

Oh, how we can't help ourselves

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Malang Trip

Office outing in our department happens every year in the company that I work for, which is kinda common in most companies. And this year we went to Malang (2 weeks ago). This is my first time in Malang. The outing itself was only 2 days 1 night, but what's best is that I could get there one day earlier than the others with 2 other people so that we got an extension for the vacation. There were some other groups who did the same but had different plan than us. My small group went to a beach called Tiga Warna. And then the next day we got together with the whole big group to do our department outing.

For a day we rented a car to take us to the beach. It took us about 2+ hours to go to the beach from the airport. On the way there we stopped by at a popular bakso place called Bakso Presiden to take our brunch. Although it's popular, me and my friends agree that the bakso in front of our office (Bakso Solo Samrat) is much much better than this bakso.

Pantai Tiga Warna (Three Colors Beach)
This beach is wonderful! Since we got there on Friday, there were not many visitors, just my small group and one other group. This beach is part of a conservation area that's managed by the local people. They give the visitors some restrictions here, which is good to keep the place well maintained. If we wanna go there, we need to do a reservation first. If not, we can't enter the place. While we were there, there were 2 people who came without reservation and without being accompanied by a guide, and the local people there banned them to stay and asked them to leave right away. Sad.

As we entered the conservation area, they took a list of the stuff that we brought inside, and as we left we had to make sure that we brought back all the stuff that we brought in. If there's any trash left out, we needed to pay Rp. 100.000 for every item. One group can only be consisted of 10 people. And only 100 people can enter the place at the same time. That's why we need to do the reservation first to make sure that we can enter the place. I called them 2 days before the trip, and then they gave me the reservation number. Somewhere on the internet says that if you wanna go there on the weekend, you need to do the reservation 1 month before. Also, I heard we can stay there only for 2 hours, but since there's not many people on that day, we stayed for quite long. We paid Rp. 10.000 each person, and Rp. 100.000 for a guide that accompanied us for the whole time.

Why we need a guide? Because we couldn't get there right away on our own, we had to pass a mangrove forest and without a guide we would get lost. There are 2 posts from the parking area. We could walk the whole time from the parking area to the beach, it would take us about 1 hour to get there, which is something I was quite nervous about; what if I pass out before I get there? So I came quite prepared with full stomach and water and shoes. And guess what, we found out that we could take ojek from the parking area to the 1st post, then walking from there to the 2nd post (where we would meet the guide). I was so happy and thankful for ojek! =D We paid Rp. 5.000 for each ojek.

The 1st post is the place where they took a list of what we brought, and where we paid all the payment needed. From there they asked us to walk on our own to the 2nd post for about 15 minutes and meet the guide there. I was nervous to walk without a guide at first until we discovered a beautiful spot there. It looks like a desert if you see it from the picture, but it's not. The land is covered with sand and as we went back the guide told us that if it's high tide, the water from the sea would cover up the place. There's a lot of holes and a lot of this small creatures that would go into the holes if we come closer. At first I thought it's a bug, but if when I saw it closer, it looks like a kind of crab.

We took pictures for quite a while there, and then continued our walk. And then we found a beach called Pantai Clungup. There's nobody there except us and 2 dogs that were playing. I really really really wish that this place is close from where I live. It's so peaceful. We spent sometime there to enjoy the scenery and took some pictures, then we continued our walk again until we met our guide. I bet he waited for us quite long. He's so nice and funny. We talked and made jokes along the way.

The walk felt so far and long. It took us probably 30 minutes. There were some hilly paths that made it tiring, but not as bad as hiking a mountain--thankfully! All the tiredness went away as we saw the beach. So so so so so pretty! Small and clean beach, white sand, blue water. And no rain!! After enjoying the place and taking a lot of pictures, me and one other friend went for snorkeling. We didn't need to take a ship, we only needed the snorkeling tools and swam there. Man, the corals were so HUGE (the color that I remember the most is purple) and so pretty! The colorful fishes were bigger than the ones that I ever saw before. I really enjoyed the snorkeling time until I saw this long thing somewhere inside the sea (maybe about 1+ meters, not sure what it was, whether a fish or probably a tree branch) and I got scared, then I went back to the beach. We cleaned up a bit after that, just to wash ourselves with clean water, but we only could take a shower when we got to the parking lot as we got back.

We walked out from Pantai Tiga Warna and along the way the guide took us to another beach called Pantai Gatra (I heard that you can actually take a longer route to see even more beaches). Here's where many people set up tents to stay overnight. It was a quick stop and we continued to walked out to the 1st post to take ojek again. As we got there, the rain fell. We had to wait for a little bit until the ojek came. It was kinda scary to take ojek after and as it was raining because the road became slippery. We were so thankful that the rain was only fell as we went back and the sun was up for the day.

*The right bottom picture is our guide

Right after we got to the parking lot we took a shower and then went back to the city. It took us longer to went to the city (about 3 hours) because it was raining hard and there's a lot of trucks and a bit of traffic because of the light flood on some roads. As soon as we got to the city, we went to eat our dinner at a rawon place called Rawon Djenggot. It tasted SO GOOD! Maybe because we were all hungry. But so far it's the best rawon ever for me.

After the dinner we went to the homestay that we rented nearby Malang Train Station, where we met the big group. The place was not too big but very nice, clean and not expensive. There's no AC in my room, only a fan. But because it was raining the whole afternoon it's not hot at all. I even put up my blanket and my roommate turned off the fan in the middle of the night. We had a fun night talking and laughing over the trip and the pictures that we took, and then got a good sleep.

For the 1st day of the office outing we went to a city called Batu. It's about 1 hour from Malang. We went to Museum Satwa, Batu Secret Zoo, and Museum Angkut.

Museum Satwa basically a museum that has many kind of preserved animals. While Museum Angkut is a museum that has many kind of transportation tools from many countries and from many eras. Batu Secret Zoo is the most impressive one from all the places that we went from the 1st day of our outing activity. They have many kinds of animals from many countries. And they all look good. There were so many animals that I had never seen before. Sad that it was raining the whole day, but I had a great experience in that zoo.

After this first day outing trip I realized that I'm not a museum person. I like real stuff, not just the replica. I love to have the experiences, not just taking pictures and having great background in the pictures.

We went back to Malang after the dinner, and stayed in a hotel. Some people went out walking around and looked for some more local food, while I decided to sleep as I was super tired.

On the second day of the outing we had outbond activity, went to a souvenirs place, and then went back to Jakarta.

It was a quite tiring weekend. But I think I can go back there again for Pantai Tiga Warna (and some other beaches that I haven't seen there) and Rawon Djenggot. =D

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