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Solo-Jogja Trip

I went to Solo for the first time few weeks ago. I went with a group of people who went there for hiking, but since I don't do hiking I just stayed in the city and joined them again when they finished the hike. We got there at 7 or 8pm, and spent the night together as we ate dinner while catching up with one of our friends who lives in Solo. The hiking group left at 3am in the morning, while I continued to sleep and my solo trip in Solo got started.
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Random Thoughts

It's been a long time since my last post. I wanted to post something regularly every month, but I haven't been able to keep it. It's not that I'm that busy, it's just that I don't know what to post. I was wondering recently, why did I started this blog? Why did it write what I write? What has been my intention? For other people to read, for myself to keep, for other reason? It's the same with posting in social media. Why have I been doing it? There's this thought that pop up in my mind sometimes to just close them down, but then I kept cancelling it at the end. Silly girl.

We sometimes don't know ourselves that well. Or probably we just don't wanna admit certain things that we already know about ourselves. We are in denial and that makes us lost ourselves. We get confused and we are afraid. Afraid of people's judgment, afraid of our own judgment. Afraid of making mistakes, afraid of being blamed.

I don't know why I keep thinking and post…

Renovation Process

Did you ever go through a house renovation before? I went through that more than 5 years ago as we renovated our house. It was crazy messy. We didn't move to another house temporarily at that time, but we stayed in the house as it got renovated. Dust was everywhere. Our stuff got moved here and there, stacked packed in every corner. Our house only has one floor and it's not that big. When the guys were working on the other side of the house including our bedroom, we slept in the living room, moved out the bed and all the stuff there. Me, my sister, and my mom slept there together squishing uncomfortably everyday. Thankfully I was younger that I didn't have back pain and my sister was much much smaller than she is right now. I can't imagine if I have to do it now. I remember one day it was raining really hard and the roof was leaking as we were sleeping, and at the same time we were worried that it would flood. Horrible! Thankfully it's all done since few years ago …

For a moment

For a moment I forgot that You are my creator
For a moment I forgot that You are the creator of the whole universe
I suddenly feel so scared
Who am I to go against You?

For a moment I forgot that people are sinners
For a moment I forgot that they do mistakes
I suddenly feel so relieved
Why did I demand so much from them?

                 You never be at fault of people's mistakes
                 You are blamed probably because it's harder to deal with them
                 I'm too tired, too bitter, too discouraged, too lonely

For a moment I forgot that You are the source of peace and rest
For a moment I forgot that it's about you, not about me, nor them
I suddenly feel so hopeful
Where else best would I go to if it's not you?

"Used to"

Some people think it's a history
Some people think it's a legacy
Some people think it's a memory
Some others think it's nothing

Some are proud of it
Some are embarrassed
Some regret it
Some others don't care

Depends on what they used to do
Also depends on what they do now

The hardest

"This is the hardest year that I've ever had." I've been saying this quite often through out this year. When I really think about it, looking back to the year before, and the year before, and the year before, and keep going backward, I probably said the same thing every year, which means that each year is hard (and might be the hardest up to that year--although not always), and that only means that year after year life never gets any easier.

Is it that bad? Why does it sound so miserable? You might ask. Don't get me wrong, of course there were things that get easier as time goes by. When I get along with people, when I feel comfortable with the environment, when I was able have fun traveling and meet new people, when I can do my work better, when the weight of my responsibility get lighter, when I passed my transition phase, when I can support my family better, when my sister is getting older and we can have a better conversation, and many many more. Yet I can&#…

Tricky Humans

Humans are so tricky We make plans and we fail them We make promises and we break them
Talking is always easier than doing Thinking is simpler than making it happen Our imagination is bigger than our effort
Trying to love yet hurting at the end Wanting things so badly yet forgetting the needs
Desiring to change yet avoiding the costly process

Instant gratification beats the good feeling after hard work  Oh foolishness, why are you so sticky with humans' minds?
Comfort confuses us Difficulty wavers us
Look into yourself, you'd find it messy Look into the news, this world is messy Look around, you'll find another messy creature covered up nicely
Is this negativity? Or is this the reality?
Let's say it's negative reality With the hope that there's positive reality There is, of course You just don't think about it much when you're in a slump
Oh, how we can't help ourselves